(The following is a speech I gave in the Toastmasters International Speech Competition . The thoughts expressed underscore my approach used in collaboration, receiving feedback and user testing).
Every once in a while, destiny hands us an opportunity to do something truly remarkable.
A chance to prove we are capable of greatness.
An opportunity to create a lasting moment in time that defines our legacy.
We were down by 2 points, with 10 seconds left when we called our final timeout. We had time to run 1 last play, to take 1 shot and walk off the court as either heroes or zeroes. We’re huddled around our coach as he frantically scribbled x’s and o’s onto a white board to outline our final play.
As I’m watching coach draw up the play, I’m wondering…
Who are the x’s and who are the o’s?
At the same time…behind coach I noticed some friends in the bleachers, and wondered what they were talking about… maybe they wanted to hang out with me after the game?
In the midst of this mental vacation, what I didn’t notice was the one and only thing I should have. The play we were about to run was designed to give the game-winning shot to ME. I wasn’t paying attention and by the time I realized the situation it was too late for me.
The ref blew the whistle, game on. No time for questions. I walked onto the court clueless and terrified, hoping for a miracle to get me out of this mess.
Without going into detail around the awkward confusion that unfolded in those final 10 seconds… It should come as no surprise that we did not win the game, I did not take the final shot and my actions will not echo in eternity.. at least in the way that I hoped.
I learned something valuable that day though… Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact not just on your effectiveness in work and life, but also on the quality of your relationships with others.
I recently took a communications style quiz through Pathways, and to my surprise the feedback I received said that I’m actually a strong and active listener.
There’s hope for me yet.
What did I do to go from zero to hero in the active listening category?
Three things…
FIRST: Focus completely on listening
It couldn’t be more basic, but it is really difficult. Be Attentive: Successful listeners hear it the first time. They are focused on the speaker and in the moment. Practice mindfulness by consciously eliminating distractions from your mind and body. Put away your phone, close your laptop, don’t tap you feet, don’t multitask. Focus completely on listening.
If your mind starts to wander, reel it back in. Something I wish I would have done that day.
NEXT: Ask questions to understand
As you’re listening, when you hear something that could be interpreted multiple ways, or when you hear something that isn’t clear, ask to be sure that you’re really understanding the intent. If you’re not asking questions you run the risk of making assumptions that may not tie back to the main message.
When I found myself confused by the x’s and o’s from the very start, I should have just asked.
FINALLY: Summarize what this means to the speaker
This technique, above all sets a great listener apart from others. It is one thing to be able to summarize the key points of what was said (and that is important!) but to reflect what it means back to the speaker is when the speaker will feel heard and understood at a deeper level.
Don’t just listen to what they’re saying, but listen to what they mean.
Active listening is, without a doubt, the single most important communication skill that we can have. The beauty of active listening is that it not only serves you in selling your ideas, but it also serves you as a people manager, an employee, a spouse, a friend and a parent.
Focus Completely on Listening. Ask Questions to Understand. Summarize what this means to the speaker.
I’ve never felt the thrill of being carried off the court on the shoulders of my teammates, and I probably never will unless I find a way to do something truly amazing at my office. But that moment on the basketball court has stayed with me.
My advice… listen up! Don’t be like young Jason! When the opportunity for greatness calls, you can’t answer the door if you aren’t even listening for the knock.
